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[ Managing Conflict ] [ Making Peace ] [ Media Violence ] [ Talking About Drugs ]
Self, Home, and Family: Protecting Yourself
Helping Your Children Learn to Manage Conflict
Children and Youth: Materials for Adults Working with Kids
Ages 5-12
Helping Your Children Learn to Manage Conflict
Dear Parent,
Conflict is a fact of life. Although many people think only of
its ugly or unfortunate results, some conflict is actually
necessary and good. It all depends on how a particular conflict is
handled.
Children, like adults, face many conflicts in their lives.
Maybe someone teases a child, a best friend suddenly doesn't want
to be best friends anymore, or there is disagreement over which
child a book belongs to. As you know, children also encounter
conflicts at home. Most of these involve possessions,
responsibilities, or privacy. They also face conflicts beyond
school and home. For example, many children eventually have to
deal with moral issues that challenge family rules, such as
looking cool in front of friends by trying drugs. Others may be
picked upon by older children in the neighborhood.
How children learn to handle conflict.
Children learn how to manage conflict in the same way they
learn to do many other things--by watching what goes on around
them. They learn from you, from teachers and other adults, from
other children, and from television, movies, and other media. How
can we all help them learn the best strategies? Here are some tips
you may find helpful in your role as parent.
 | Give your child some special time each day. This may be
really tough in today's busy world, but experts tell us that
20 minutes of positive adult attention per day dramatically
reduces children's aggressive behavior. |
| Teach your child to ask for attention constructively.
Sometimes the purpose of a fight with a brother or sister is
to get attention. Encourage your child to ask for attention by
expressing his or her needs. Catch your child doing something
right. Praise your child for doing well, rather than
reprimanding her when mistakes are made. |
| Teach your child to recognize the feelings of others. You
can point out when someone is happy, sad, scared, worried, and
so on. When children learn to recognize what someone else is
feeling, they are better able to respond appropriately. |
| Listen first, then help your child negotiate a solution.
Acknowledge your child's feelings about a conflict before
helping to work out a solution. |
| Use positive methods to discipline your child. Avoid using
physical punishment and yelling. Through your example, your
child will see that force is not the best or only choice. |
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